Moving On

Hello beautiful people,

It's been a long while and a lot has happened. As an attempt to keep both my new years resolution (2016) and a promise to my friend this is an update that infact this blog is still existing but will be moving on to http://vinesandroses.wixsite.com/imanabdulkadir/blog hopefully for the better. It's my attempt to embrace a more simple lifestyle and conceivably a step closer to an avant-garde, worthy and functioning blog.

Cheers,
Iman Abdulkadir

DARE TO LIVE

Life is easy when everything is simple. Waking up and continuing a new day from where you left off the last time. Finishing off a book from the last page you had read before bed. Starting a conversation with a friend without the need to fill them in. Entering the coffee shop where a smile to a familiar face has you getting your regular order. It's really easy to slip into a comfortable zone where everything goes on the same way everyday. It's calming. It's safe. It's not boring, it's soothing to know that everything is going as it should be.

But...

There is excitement and exhilaration in challenging the norm. The adrenaline rush when you dare. Starting a care free conversation with the person next to you on the 7 hour flight teaches you to listen, to imagine what could be, to learn something new, to step into their shoes, to see things a new. Perspectives always make the difference. 

So why not dare yourself to fly? Run, fast and far from what makes you comfortable. Smile and make new friendships; they will only uplift you. Open up a book and learn the past that shapes the now and the future. Travel the world and taste the cultures. Immense yourself into a bubble of utopia, head in the clouds, feet below ground. Test the waters. Swim away your worries. Eat away your despair. Challenge the status quo and watch yourself become a symbol of greatness. It starts with one step. One decision. One choice. 

You only live once right? Make it a life worth exampled. I

WILL I SURVIVE IT?

I had a conversation with someone older and more experienced a while ago and she said to me "Pray for a man that loves you and not one you love." I questioned her 'experience' I tell you. Then it came to me. As a woman, I am vulnerable to emotion. Weakness or strength? It is not my doing, nature created me this way. Be it good or bad or somewhere in between it is something that I have to live with because it is who I am. My emotions will take over me, they will control me and I swear to you they might be my undoing some day. I will need someone who will stand with me through the test of time as these explosions rock me no matter the trigger. I will require grounding from someone that is stronger than me during my lowest points but most of all I am one to need consistency and patience. Dear lord, only someone that loves me more than I do myself will hold me down. I silently agreed and swallowed my thoughts.

 She continued "Iman you will love like the sun will not set, like tomorrow was just a myth to never happen, you will find someone that will present perfection to you. Your life will evolve around this love, it will bring you so much joy and happiness- that might be an illusion or not. You have to be careful because that love might burn you. In case it does, do not break, do not let the world put you down. You are allowed to grieve but do not let it change you." How do I do that? How do I not break when my only support has removed itself from my life. Have you met me? I'm a living emotional trailer with flat tires rolling on a potholed road that winds along the sides of a mountain. The tiniest things will have me seeking for comfort or a support system. I can put up a brave face and pretend I'm not slowly disintegrating as I go about my day-hey, hello, that's my life already. I can show people what I want them to see but how then will I recover? Do I move on? When should I move on? Who should I move on to? How will I do it? I'm I expected to just stuff these heartaches and wounds into a duffel bag and throw them into the dark waters of the Niger? Typically I was worried of the aftermath of this beautiful love story. I for once never stopped to think of the amazing love that I will encounter or if it would last a lifetime and I wouldn't have to find my way to the Niger. I didn't stop to think of who it might be. Who would this imperfect perfection be? Now as I remember that conversation, I smile to myself knowing I would find love even if it wouldn't be for as long as I would wish, I would be able to say that I felt it and I knew it. 

 I read something on Twitter the other day (side note: yo there's a lot of great minds on that app when you remove the irrelevant bunch and the ITKs and the Amebos). It went something like this- 'you don't want to love someone because of what they have or who they are. You don't want to explain how, why or what you love about the person because love is more than that.' This brought a lot of 'errs' and eye rolls on my part. I'll put a link to the tweet down below so you can share in the wisdom. I love and respect the deepness and the thought that went into the message. Personally, I am a woman who appreciates complements and flattery so yes, I'd love to know what drew my significant other to me. What they see and what they love? The little things matter. Love should be unconditional and without material  expectations but Agape is too divine for another human. In its simplicity, that should be what partners should share but knowing the human nature, am I ready to risk a love so deep, a love so strong, a love that transcends all of common sense, condition and any trust boundaries? I'm I ready to let loose and let go? I want to believe this is what it my older person meant by 'you will find love that is not healthy'. If I should love agape, will I live to tell the story? 

I pray for you love and I pray for you happiness. 

For your interest- this is the link to the tweet (https://twitter.com/jimsjones__/status/701170766839156736). Read with caution lol

Disclaimer: I in no way referred to women as weak or men as the stronger sex. This was an interpretation of my emotions caused by hormones (my nature). It's clearly subjective and applies to no general audience. X

WHAT HE SAID...

I've known I always wanted to be happy. It has always been my ultimate goal in this life that all I do should make me happy. I did not comprehend the depth of this until someone said to me 'happiness is happiness'. Then it came to me, it is simple, just like the two words side by side. Happiness is a veil that masks your pain. However thick the veil is depends on personal strength to fight a war with the demons within. Being me I'll always over analyze it and I contradicted his words. It is simple but it was complicated like a fisherman's knots. Everlasting happiness is a pipe dream but satisfaction is attainable. Then i was asked, what was happiness to me? What did that very long word mean to me? My answer was simple, love. Love is the building block of life. It is what we base our relationships on. It is what pushes us to do what we do and moulds us to be who we are. Ever wondered why there's a correlation between abused/unloved children and violence? Does it now make sense? Don’t get me wrong, i might not love my boss from work who buys me coffee every morning or the guy who stops to help me change my flat tire in Abuja’s scorching heat but i appreciate them. Appreciation links likeness to the nice stranger i might never see again and at that milli second will make me feel something strong, something deep, something that will certainly bring a smile to my face and leave me with thoughts of him and stories that i’ll relay to friends. But what is that feeling? Is it love? will that feeling bring me joy? is joy equal to happiness? Will I have to love to find  happiness?

THE ONE

Have you met the one? 

What is she/he like? 

How do you know if you've met them? 

I know because I've met "the one" let's add an s to that. I've met several personalities, each one not perfect or better than the other but are 'the one' in different ways. See I'm the kind of person who lives by the moment. The smallest of things excite me. My interests are every where. I need consistency in my life which is something I can't give to myself so I need 'the one' to give me that. My person has to then be or possess a number of qualities. I'm a happy person, he has to keep that joy going. How I see it, my perfect man should be smart- know your stuff so I'm forever impressed. Be able to make conversation regarding anything. Be funny- no one likes a bland person. Be imaginative-dreams do come true. Hardworking. Not noisy. Calm. Humble. Someone who isn't afraid to express himself/ feelings. One that exerts his dominance in a subtle kind of way. Don't get me wrong, I can't stand arrogance in whatever form. But a man that knows how to get what he wants is attractive. But I also want a man who will chase me not that I'll run (I know what's good for me) but a man that will forever make me feel like he just met me. Someone who will love me without holding back because I would love him so much more. All this I want but companionship is what I seek for. The beauty of companionship is one not everybody can explain to you. It comes to you as differently as it will another. There is no one objective definition or character that makes someone perfect. If and when you find 'the one' you will realize that perfection does not exist. You will accept and love this person as they come. Flaws and all. If perfection existed, love will have just been a four letter word. To me it is more than that. 'I love you' means I see the beautiful and ugly in you. It is me committing my all to make what we have work. I will fight you and fight the forces that will deny me you. Why? Because it is just not a four letter word for me. It is my life and you are what keeps me going. If today I find out the cells in a part of my body were going against my nature and become cancerous, I will not just sit and watch myself die away. I will fight till the very end. I will fight for you because what is this life without someone to share it with. If you hurt me I will fight you and fight for what we have until you realize why we started this in the first place. My 'the one' will be my best friend and best friends don't just up and leave because my waist isn't small enough or my skin isn't light enough. Best friends stay around when the superficial wears away. My 'the one' will know my worth and I his. Silence will be comfortable because all we need to converse is a smile and our eyes. Sixty years in my 'one' will still see me as the 20 year old they fell in love with and the love will be forever strong. The butterflies will flutter and the pink in our cheeks will grow deeper. The sparks will fly as high as the CN tower. Every word, every touch, every look will be filled with love. I will not settle and so you. You don't settle for love because it is just too beautiful a thing. Love isn't a rare find I promise you. All you need is hope, faith, trust and patience. Be a good person and an even better person will find you and love you till eternity. Love is a beautiful. I pray you and I all find it. 

I❤️

WHAT WILL THE FUTURE HOLD?

My happy memories growing up are those of the scent of on coming rain, the wind, the swaying palm trees, the falling ripe and unripe mangoes, the haze as the clouds darken and a beautiful sunny afternoon becomes dark as the heavy down pour falls from the heavens.I remember my mum screaming our names to run back home from the neighbours' so we could close the clattering windows of our 3.5 bedroom duplex in Kaduna. We knew to always close the big French Windows in the hall way downstairs and leave the Windows facing east open because the rain wouldn't come in through there. At this time it was expected for NEPA to have shut off the electricity as soon as the clouds began to gather so there wasn't TV and at the time generators weren't even a sound we knew. We had the almighty rechargeable lamps daddy always bought from Alkali road. The maid will be in the kitchen cooking up something that always tasted better than it looked with my baby brother strapped to her back or in his high chair in the kitchen with her. The Aunty at home at the time will be ushering my two sisters and I into the bathroom one after the other to have our evening bath. The water had already been set to the right temperature and the various shouts and big eyed warnings of not to touch the hot water tap came at this time. I and Aliyyah were big girls now so we got to pick what color of pajamas and socks we were going to wear to bed that night. We would bathe, pray and wait for daddy to return from Abuja so we could have dinner and everybody will talk about how their week went. Mine will always be about how I and my friends (names withheld 😂) went to mama Ene to cook indomie before club started or how Malam Sani was screaming down the walkways of Zamani College junior side. The new book I got from the library and how I barely passed another maths test. Aliyyah will be on about how primary school is very hard 😒 and how life wasn't fair because she couldn't watch TV in school. Mummy will be in her room or the bigger sitting room bent over some law books and her thousands of case files writing judgements. The rain will have begun to subside now. The air thick with dust and smell of rotten leaves, manure and wet soil. This is when the two dogs next door will begin their daily marathon across the neighbours compound even scaling the short fence into our back yard. Sadiq is patiently waiting for the electricity to come back on and immediately shouts 'NEPAAAA' when it does. Zainab will be upstairs now begging the in house Aunty for a change of her pajamas (third time that night) because her crayons fell on the leg of her pants. I will be sitting down on my reading table upstairs doing homework beside the window facing the gate so I'm the first to see/hear daddy's black Mercedes and announce it to the whole house. The echoes will then start 'Daddy ya dawo'- 'Daddy is home' and four sets of feet will be running through the house in a frenzy to be the first to choose the Pringles flavor of the week. We all went for sour cream and onion. Mummy will come out of her hiding place and starting giving orders of food placed on the table, a new burner of turaren wuta- incense, should be put in daddy's living room, the one in her living room should be taken out because it's becoming smoky, 'take out the roast from the oven and cut it up'. The king will come in wearing either a long kaftan or short one with his babban riga/ agbada on his arm and his brief case in his hand depending on what meeting he had come out of last. He will be followed with his weekend bag and bags of yam, potatoes, goody bags from amigo and grand square by the security and whoever else is there at the time. He always comes in smiling and everyone will move to him for a hug and a kiss on the cheek with cries of 'daddy sannu da zuwa'. We will have dinner together on some nights, watch news and sleep off in his living room. One by one he will carry us to bed where we will all swear that we took ourselves in the morning as we rush to get dressed for Islamiyya. Our family driver (may he RIP) will always be late so he ends up driving like an F1 driver in the old white Mercedes Benz '94 model which is now blue btw. We will arrive two minutes before the gates close. Islamiyya ended at 12 and saloon was at 2:30 every fourth night for the girls. The boys will go off to Safaha for their hair cut. We always had something to do, somewhere to go during those weekends. If not we would trek down to Bambinos and get popcorn which we will mix into the ice cream and eat together while we bickered and fought. The evenings were spent on fences, making amala with sand and soup with mummy's well gardened flowers or on the guava and mango trees eating up the barely ripe fruits until we got constipated. These are my childhood memories but will my children know this, or even be alive to have this much peace and fun? Will they only know the sounds of gun shots and bombs? Bloody soils and streams? Dead bodies in the street or will they live lives full of fear and insecurity? 

BEST OF FRIENDSHIP

Someone asked me if I had friends. She said 'Who is your best friend? Don't you have friends? Who do you talk to? Who would be your bridesmaid?' And she ended it with 'you're such a loner' I just smiled and said 'well they are there' thinking to myself that at this point in my life, friends are at the bottom of my list of priorities! With what life has dealt me with over the past few years, I've realized life isn't all about posting different faces on Instagram and calling x and y my 'b****' it's not about making snap chat videos with x today and y the next! I have my friends. My die hard people! We might not talk everyday, they might not know what I bought yesterday, what argument bae and I had, who said what about who but they have my back and I have theirs. I can run to them crying and I know there's a shoulder waiting for me to lean on and an ear eager to listen. Just because we don't have group chats/ constant chats doesn't mean we don't keep up with each other's lives. It means we have priorities. Bagging them degrees ya know with 4.0s not just passes. Becoming successful is my priority. Not taking selfies and gossiping about whose nudes leaked. When I and my best friends get to the top, then we'll make noise in our Walter Steigers standing in the limelight of world stages or behind the scenes creating a movement, making a change to the world and leaving an imprint of our greatness as we impact so many lives- all that as a result of the tight circles that didn't gossip or backbite, that stood by each other through the best and worst, supported one another and respected personal space. At that point we might drop a selfie or two with the hashtag throwback and then you'll realize that true friendship isn't about the noise and meet ups. It's about everything else! To those friends that are forever true, remain unknown until the billions set in! The best and most beautiful of gems are hidden from the harsh elements of the world💎